


Better At Everything

by Chloe_Sek



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 15:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9497717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chloe_Sek/pseuds/Chloe_Sek
Summary: Gero always knew Goku was the strongest and the best, so the androids want to take him for a spin. They'd heard such great things about him, after all. The androids mention how awful Vegeta is in bed when compared to him. Because it's obvious Goku's better than Vegeta. At everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I may have found my niche; it’s writing crack fics for DBZ. This is for a prompt from the kink meme again and is cross-posted there:
> 
> http://dragonkink.dreamwidth.org/1166.html?thread=77966#cmt77966
> 
> (Who needs sexy times when there’s so much crack and lulz to be had over there?)  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z. If I did, would my side job be trying to sell things on Craigslist? Answer: probably not.  
> Ratings: PG-13. Sex is mentioned, but does not go into graphic detail.  
> Warnings: This is pretty cracky. I have no idea under what circumstances Goku/Androids would happen, other than a weird case where Goku accepts people into the group by banging them. (Although, I could totally see Vegeta/Androids hatesex happening pre-Buu Saga. Just saiyan.)

“Okay. Dr. Gero’s files said you were the best, but that was amazing!”

“I’m surprised too. Is this why my husband likes you so much?” Eighteen asked. “Explains why we have so many pictures of you at our house.”

“Aw, thanks for the compliments guys. I’m sure Krillin likes me for reasons other than the touchie feelies, Eighteen. If you want some more pictures, let me know. I can give you guys some suggestive photos too!”

“Hey, you deserve the compliments. I’m so happy that we didn’t kill you and that you eventually came back from the dead after Cell did kill you,” Seventeen said. “Best sex ever.”

“I can’t say something like that,” Eighteen said. “I’m married.”

“Don’t worry sis, if you and Krillin are both thinking about Goku when you’re doing it, it’s not cheating.”

“Shut up.” Eighteen hit him hard with a pillow, knocking him out of the bed. She then proceeded to snuggle up closer to Goku. “It’s my turn to cuddle with him now.”

“Excuse me, but I still had 36 seconds left!”

“Not you didn’t. You wait your turn,” Eighteen then addressed Goku. “Siblings. am I right?”

“I was an only child for a long time, but then it turned out I was an alien and had a brother! My brother tried to kidnap my son to convince me to kill all of the Earthlings, and then Piccolo and I killed him, but not before he killed me. That was the first time I died. But it wasn't too bad since I got to go train with King Kai.”

“Ugh. I guess I shouldn’t complain so much. At least this one is a useful babysitter and not the kidnapping kind.” Noticing the hopeful expression on Seventeen’s face, she added, “that doesn’t mean you get to cut into my cuddle time!”

“Hey guys, there’s no reason to fight. There’s plenty of me to go around,” Goku said. 

“We’re only fighting because you’re so good at this! With Vegeta, we got bored and neither of us wanted to have a turn,” Seventeen said. 

“Yeah really. He thinks he’s so great, but he’s mediocre in bed. Especially compared to the strongest man in the universe,” Eighteen buried her face in Goku’s chest. 

“That gives me a good idea! We should do it when you’re a Super Saiyan,” Seventeen suggested. “I get to go first!”

“No you don’t!”

“Yes I do!”

“How about you two just flip a coin again?” Goku asked. “We’ll just do one coin flip, and no cheating with ki.”

Eighteen grabbed the one zeni coin and called heads. Goku flipped it himself to prevent bias, but unfortunately for her, Seventeen won the coin flip.

“Oh yeah, I won! In your face! Looks like this means you have to wait your turn, or go find Vegeta.”

“I’d rather just wait,” Eighteen said.

“Aw, you guys shouldn’t be so mean to Vegeta. He’s usually the second strongest guy, or at least in the top five!” 

“But he’s in the bottom five when it comes to sex.”

“Amusing,” Eighteen high-fived her brother. 

\-------------------

Meanwhile, over at Capsule Corp:

Vegeta was enjoying inhaling a mountain of food for lunch when suddenly one of his Goku senses started tingling. Now, Vegeta had a sixth sense when it came to the object of his obsession, especially when others were praising Goku while putting him down.

Vegeta jumped to his feet and yelled, “Those bastard androids think Kakarrot is better in bed than me!” 

“That’s nice dear,” Bulma said. She was used to this sort of thing by now, and was a bit sleep deprived from spending quality time with her newest invention. 

Yamcha on the other hand, had had a full night’s rest and promptly spat out his food in shock. “How the hell do you even know that? You know what, never mind. Forget I asked.”

“Humans like you could never understand. When a Saiyan meets his ultimate rival---”

“Yamcha, he means when a Saiyan gets a big hate boner,” Bulma started laughing, which caused Yamcha to start laughing too.

Vegeta just got more pissed off. “If you two are done giggling like idiots, a Saiyan and his rival have a special bond---”

“Called the hate-boner,” Bulma interrupted. 

“Where they can sense each other’s progress. It allows us to prepare to meet on the battlefield.”

“What does Goku fucking the androids have to do with you two beating each other’s asses?” Bulma asked.

“Yeah, and why do you care anyway? You’re married to Bulma and Goku already initiated you into the group.”

“Exactly! Thank you. I spent two hours of my life hacking into government databases so that Vegeta would exist as a person on this planet and so we could have a legal marriage. That was two hours of my life I could have spent with my new invention.” Bulma pulled the green, triangular device she had been working on out of her pocket, and proceeded to cuddle with it. “Who’s mommy’s prototype quantum singularity? You are!” 

“I am the Prince of all Saiyans, and no one is allowed to be better at sex than me. Especially not that bastard Kakarrot.” Vegeta began eating again, but in between bites would rant about Goku.

“Don’t worry, Yamcha his mood should only last for 8,000 seconds.” Addressing Vegeta, she said, “It’s okay babe, I think you’re good at sex. It’s why we have those two kids. As well as the quantum singularity, which will be like our adopted child.”

“Bulma, you really need to get some sleep. As for you Vegeta, I tolerate your company.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet! Vegeta tolerates your company too Yamcha, because the prenup says he has to!”

Vegeta paused his eating and ranting to ask, “What the fuck is a prenup?”

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, everyone’s mean to Vegeta in this story. At least Bulma and Yamcha still like him and/or tolerate his company. And in the end, that’s the only thing that matters. 
> 
> PS. A quantum singularity is what powers the Romulan Warbirds on Star Trek. It powers the space ships in the Dead Space videogames too.


End file.
